BOnA FIdE

I hate this… another couldn’t sleep night. I don’t know what it is that bothering me, but every time I go to my room with sleepy eyes and tired body and mind, lying down in my bed and suddenly I don’t feel sleepy anymore.

Gosh, what do I have to do? Exercising? Have tried it, not working though.

Thinking…. Thinking…. Still found no answer. O please, I need my sleep. I need to build up my energy for tomorrow.Ikssss…. What should I do now?

Late night, 12:32 am

Have you ever been in a situation where you have to hold every feeling inside?  I have and I think it’s killing me. Slowly but surely.

It’s making me, not me wholly anymore…

 Akankah lebih baik ketika semua pertanyaan tetap disimpan dan menunggu jawabannya disajikan seakan2 sudah waktunya pertanyaan itu terjawab dengan sendirinya?

Akankan lebih baik ketika semua galau dalam hati dikunci rapat2 dan menunggu waktu mengikisnya perlahan?

Ataukah memang semua harus dipertanyakan dan galau dikemukakan agar tidak ada penyesalan di kemudian hari? Apapun hasilnya nanti… marah, sedih, kecewa atau bingung……

Entahlah… aku tak bisa memutuskan..

I miss u.

I don’t know why …… I don’t know how……  but I am missing u.

I can’t remember how’s your eyes look, coz I never really look at them, but I miss them.

I don’t know how your smile may look if I told you about this, but I awfully want to see it.

Your voice… I barely remember the tone, but I’d like to hear it again.

I may not familiar with your laugh’s sound, but I do want to get acquainted with it.

And it may awkward for you to hear, but I am missing you. I truly do. How come??? 

I now understand the meaning of my title phrase. Not an easy way to make me understand. God really works in a very misteryous way.

Since my accident on 22nd of July 08 which almost took my life, I pray every time I remember my savior.

Now I am still having trouble with my eyes and my voice but I am absolutely sure that I’ll be fine soon and get back my life which I have faith in that it will be better than ever.

For all my friends, which I havent told my story before, I am now telling you and hope you all understand and forgiving me for not telling earlier. For all your pray Im so thankful and pray to God that He will give you the best in return. Thank you from the deepest of my heart.

Regards

Gila gila gilaaaaa!!!!

Asli tuch orang gila. Apa iyah semua orang dikota besar udah kayak gitu semua yak?? Ga ada lagi yang normal di mata gw. Capek hati deh ngadepin orang2 senewen kayak gitu. Gw ga bilang gw orang yang sangat bermoral. Gw juga bisa gila sometimes. Tapi segila2nya gw ada batasnya dan bisa ngeliat sikon. Loe pikir semua orang sama kayak elu apa?? Dasar sinting!!!

"Upsss, You met the wrong girl. No deal and have fun yourself!! kayaknya kata2 paling alus yang bisa gw kasih buat orang gila kayak elu". Klo ada di hadapan gw udah gw tinju kali idung loe. Percuma apa latihan ngangkat beras gw selama ini???

Sabarrrr sabarrr….

For those who still hurt badly from your previous relationship. May your hearts find peace.

It hurts inside…… I really am missing you

I hate my self for not having the courage to tell you this - For not brave enough to show what I feel inside - Nor to open my heart for somebody new entered

It hurt so much when my heart was broken - That I can still feel it

Frightened to be hurt again - Scared to lose someone for the second time - Bring into being my cowardice

I have to confess that I am not courageous - I choose to hide my feelings instead of showing it - I go for runaway from my true feelings - I’ve decided on avoiding you

Like so hopefully I can keep my heart from harmed - But can I? Why is it still ache inside?

(I am not saying that I already found someone that can heal my heart. Shamed on me… I’m still in the process to be healed. What I learn from my experience is that ache is one process to a new wisdom. We can never tell others how does it feel to fall when in fact we never know-how. After we fell and able to go up we have the capacity to tell others how is fall feel like. Likewise we will be the evidence for others that falling isn’t the end. But a new beginning of understanding of we can overcome this obstacle and so the next one. I am afraid….. I really am!! But it doesn’t stop me from open a new chapter of my life. One thing for sure, I’ll never know what it is inside my present box if I never unwrap it. So go and open yours. If it’s not what your heart is looking for then open the next one. There are so many gift boxes presented for you, all you have to do is have the courage to unwrap it. Good Luck!!!)

(I’ve written this 3 days ago but couldn’t post it right away coz of bad connection of internet in my place)

It is 2 o’clock early in the morning

Still can’t put my eyes to sleep

And suddenly I feel so lonely

What’s wrong?? How could I feel so lonely all of a sudden?

So I think…..

I have my families who care for me a lot

I have my friends which i can talk to when i need it

I have everything that I ever going to need

So…. why am I lonesome?

(after 15 minutes)

Gosh… this drives me crazy

So I tried to watch a movie

Movies that usually bring my good mood back

But it didn’t work this time

Then I tried to put some musics on i-tunes.

Played couple of songs.. but it still there

I wondered what’s wrong. Never this thing happened to me before.

(Sigh)…. what can I do?

(Whisper) I wish somebody was here with me

Ahhh… I KNOW NOW!!

I feel lonely because I AM BY MYSELF

I can’t depend on my families in situation like this

My friends can’t help me much when I feel blue sometimes

NO THEY CAN’T

I need somebody who’s more than just a friend

Somebody who knows me inside and out

(oooo) I wish you were here with me tonight

I WISH…. I FOUND YOU.

Everybody makes mistake, it is our nature

We aren’t angels….

I met these 3 guys in Skype, and less in an hour

They said something that not many people do

You are sarcastic, girl….. There….  This sentence got me, just right there

Sarcastic…..

As I said before, people make mistake

I never meant to hurt people with the words I’ve said

Sarcastic, is one of the ways I use to express my self

So, if any of you, ever got hurt by any words I’ve said

I am sorry….. I never intended any of it.

For those 3 guys, wherever you are thank you

Thank you for showing one side of me

Thank you for saying those words

That’s what I like about making friends

To know you, yourself, better….